Dear Melania: This is Cyberbullying

I know this is old news, but it still baffles me.

First, I have to admit that I'm a secret follower of Donald Trump on Twitter. I know, I know. I didn't actually commit to hitting the "follow" button, but I will occasionally get on there just to see what ludicrous thing he's managed to communicate in 140 characters or less. For accomplishing this feat, I have to give him props.

It's actually really hard to be that ridiculous using only about twenty words at a time.

Anyway, as we all know Melania Trump has decided to take on cyberbullying as her cause during her time as FLOTUS, a very noble ambition. But I, like millions of people around the world, have been asking myself this question over and over again.

Really?

I'm wondering if all of that gold in their apartment interferes with her wireless signal or something; maybe she doesn't have access to the internet and has no idea what her husband is up to? Or maybe cyberbullying means something different in her native tongue and she thinks she's ending the use of the Diner's Club credit card?

Actually, what I'd LIKE to think is happening is that she is being a little passive-aggressive (as all married people should be) and trying to point out The Donald's faults to him by putting it center stage rather than talking to him about it over a DiGiorno pizza and a glass of boxed wine (oh, wait. That's me).

I guess we'll know that's the case if after she solves cyberbullying she takes over the Hair Club for Men and works to reduce the amount of orange used in spray tans worldwide.

But if, for some reason, she IS actually taking on cyberbullying I'd like to assist her so she actually knows what it is when she sees it.

Cyberbullying

The use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending message of an intimidating or threatening nature. 

Now, when looking at Trump's Twitter account, it can be hard to narrow this down to only a few tweets. And this is just Twitter. I don't have time to go through everything he's said on the news or in the media in general. (And while this doesn't fall under the category of cyberbullying I'm sure the Army and Navy football players LOVED it when he said they weren't playing "real football" on CBS. I don't know if I'd want to piss off football players that are trained for combat, DT.)

Oh, Donald. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Didn't your mother teach you that? And while you might be thinking to yourself, "That's not threatening" I don't agree. You're bashing a talented actor and a show that's been on for decades. In effect, you're saying, "Don't watch this." And what happens then? The show goes off the air and people lose their jobs (but you'll find new ones for them, right?).

Goodness. Way down, are they? Dead, even? Well, you predicted Vanity Fair's demise in 2012 and we're all still thrilled to see it arrive in our mailboxes. And sources out there are speculating that you've rekindled this feud because VF didn't like your restaurant, Trump Grill, in a recent issue. One might speculate that you might be projecting your own insecurities about your lack of talent in any area (except bullying others which is, to use your words, "not nice") onto others who have actually had pretty viable careers based on their talent.

My therapist will be proud that I figured that out.

Oh, my. I could go on and on, but I actually have a job and need to get back to work. I have to finish what I need to do before my kids get home from school. I'm hoping that today isn't going to be one of those days when one of them comes home in tears, telling me that someone has picked on them or that they're scared. I hope neither of my daughters come home and tell me that someone out there called them fat. I hope my son doesn't come home and tell me that someone told him he has no talent.

But I'm comforted by the fact that if they do, I'll have the first couple to rely on for help and guidance.