Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Oh, How Things Have Changed





Today is the 11th anniversary of my husband's passing. And while I've spent some of the last week engaging a little bit in the angry cry (and always at the WORST possible time), today I've actually been thinking more about what has changed in 11 years.

Yes, there's the obvious answer - the kids. As I go to workshop after workshop about college funding and wondering how I got into this mess of doing it all myself, the passage of time is staring me directly in the face (and taunting me).

But lately I've been thinking about the actual things that have changed in 11 years and that makes me sad, too, because I keep envisioning how Brad would have embraced (or shunned) them. And here's what I've come up with.


1. The Smart Phone


Oh, how he would have loved it. He died using a flip phone and just before texting was really a big deal - fate is truly cruel. Considering how much he HATED talking on the phone, non-verbal communication would have been his dream come true. And what about the endless apps he would have downloaded??? This would have helped any communication issues we might have because he'd probably be too occupied to communicate.

2. Anything at Best Buy


But mainly TVs. We had one of the HUGE 60" box TVs when he died which I immediately got rid of in favor of a flat screen (although my first one was embarrassingly small). I have a feeling right now we'd have one of those curved 3D 205" TVs with a sound system that would blast you through the back wall. And we would be taking advantage of a lot of 0% financing.

3. Cars


Now, this one I don't know if he would have liked as much. Since he loved working on cars and cars these days really can't be worked on, I'm not sure he would have liked it. But I'm sure he would have LOVED all of the gadgets we have now. Sirius XM radio, touch screens, USB outlets for every seat...

...of course what would really piss him off is that I still like driving a minivan.

4. Top Golf.


The kids and I went to Top Golf today. It's funny how when we celebrate "Daddy Days" that's where they want to go because Brad was a fairly horrible golfer. However, he would have loved the whole thing and the technology behind it. So, in a weird way it's entirely appropriate that we remember him there...even though he's never been.

5. Politics


Lots of change. Enough said.

6. Video Games


Every once in a while, I let my son buy a video game at just random times. He is very sweet and says it's not necessary to which I always reply, "Your sisters have bought at least $60 worth of hair products in the last couple of months. And if your dad were here you'd have a LOT more video games than you do now. Go for it."

7. Mattresses


I bought a king-sized Temperpedic a few years ago which weren't around in 2007 (I don't think). I truly think that that would have saved us a lot of marital stress if we'd had one when he was still with us. He used to tell me that I was like Sid the Sloth in Ice Age when I tried to go to sleep - I flop around for about 2 hours until I get comfortable. A mattress that doesn't bounce would have been his dream come true.

8. iPads 


Considering how much he ignored me as he played computer solitaire, I would have been completely on my own had he ever discovered Angry Birds.

9. Uber


No more pesky arguments about who the designated driver will be!

10. Roomba


I don't have one, but I'm betting if Brad were here, that would have been my Christmas gift years ago. And it probably would have been modified for flight or something.

11. Netflix and Bingewatching


There are MANY shows on TV that I don't watch because I'm squeamish and can't imagine watching them alone. AND I live with three teenagers, so my TV is usually tuned into an episode of Riverdale or one of the Twilight, Divergent, or Hunger Games series. If their father were here, there'd be a lot more Game of Thrones and a lot less ridiculous drama.

12. GPS Systems


This ties into the phone thing, but we actually had a SEPARATE HAND-HELD GPS SYSTEM for when we went camping. That's right. None of this Google Maps business or car navigation. We were old school. And often fought because I can't read a map.

13. Anything space related


Without my rocket scientist here, I'm completely out of the loop. But I did get teary with the final farewell to the Cassini project - a program he worked on at Cape Canaveral when we were first married. Bet he would have liked to have seen that.

14. Amazon


I think it's safe to say that Prime would have ruined my marriage.

15. Keurig


For such a manly man, my husband liked really frou-frou coffee. The fact that he could have chosen from 5,000 flavors would have been awesome for him. However, he was also incredibly frugal in some ways...so he might have resisted it.



8 comments:

  1. OMG - your TV would be HUGE and his electronics would be out of control. This made me smile. Love you Cath

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  2. I just love this -- can't tell you how much. Thank you!

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  3. The changes that bother me the most are in the town we lived in. A new bypass, new fast food places, new family restaurants, the buildings that were a fixture for him but have now been torn down, etc. And he would be livid about our political state today. But I'm sorry he has missed all the changes---it doesn't seem fair that I lived to see them and he didn't.

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  4. I think he would be most amazed at the strong, competent, loving woman you have become.
    Another year in the rear view.
    Congratulations🌺

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  5. My new car has a 640 page manual and talks. My husband would have gotten a huge kick out of figuring it all out and would have driven me nuts doing it!

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  6. In case you don't know this, you are frickin' awesome. You and your website and your book have made a world of difference to me and I know others will agree. Thank-you for doing what you do. I'm so sorry that you had to lose your husband to do it and I'm so sorry that I had to lose my husband to find what you do. You can hold your head up and know that you have made the world a better place. Thank-you for sharing. Hugs.

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  7. Keep moving forward Catherine, You are a source of inspiration and much needed humor to the members of this shitty club that we never asked to join.

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  8. Catherine, thank you SO MUCH for this post. You made me smile, and even chuckle! Which was much needed, since I was in a crying fit just a little while ago. My precious nephew posted a lovely picture of himself and his wife, who are celebrating their 16th anniversary today. My own 16th anniversary was the last one my Jim and I got to "celebrate" -- celebrate in irony quotes since we spent it at the chemotherapy clinic. The last people to visit my husband at hospice the night before he died (a month later) were this same niece and nephew, who were very, very special to us. So when I read my nephew's post, and saw that beautiful picture, I was ambushed by grief... and, I am ashamed to say, by envy. Then I was ambushed by guilt for feeling envy! What a mess. I finally pulled myself out of it by realizing that I would never judge a friend, or even a total stranger, as harshly as I was judging myself. I washed my face with icy cold water, and pressed "restart" on the day. Got my coffee and decided to check in here. And how glad I am that I did! Bless you, Catherine, for all your writing. And bless everyone in this "club."

    I have that same feeling you describe all the time. "What would Jim think of....?" The comment about Amazon Prime cracked me up. Prime would have been a disaster for us too! I hate to even think.... I remember the year that money was tighter than usual, and Jim gently said, "We're gonna have to tighten our belts for a while, so maybe if you could just, you know, cut back on Amazon a bit...." :-)

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