I'm worried that I'll always be worried.
I was in my car a couple of days ago, thinking about all that has been going on in the last few weeks. Let me give you a brief outline.
1. One daughter on antibiotics for a sinus infection.
2. One dog with a "hot spot" on his paw that he won't stop licking so he was sporting the cone of shame for a while.
3. One daughter with cysts in her ankle so bad she can barely walk.
4. One cat who had a cyst we didn't know about on her stomach burst (I'll spare you the details) and must now have surgery to the tune of several hundred dollars.
My son and I are fine (although I shouldn't have typed that - I'm pretty sure I've jinxed us), but I have thought about going ahead and taking our Christmas picture now with a kid in a boot, a daughter holding up her prescription bottle, and both pets in cones.
As I've told the kids, "If we were horses, they would have shot us by now."
Anyway, as you might imagine, I've been a little anxious lately as I carry this load (and the bills that come with it) on my own. And I was comforting myself as I was driving, thinking that at some point this will pass and things will be okay again.
And then I had this CRAZY realization that probably everyone else had the moment they discovered they were going to be parents, but it's taken me 15 years to really get.
I will never stop worrying. Because it doesn't matter how old my kids get...I will always be a parent.
Well, this sucks.
I'm one of those people who still can't get over the notion that there isn't some sort of end game to this thing called life. That there will be no point when I wake up and the bills will be paid, the family is healthy, the house is in perfect repair, and I'm generally happy with the state of the world.
And if that blessed moment ever does occur, it's hard for me to believe that it won't last.
So, I was sitting at this stoplight, realizing that I was always going to be worried about something.
And that has me worried.