The funny thing is that I posted it because I liked it, but in the last few hours I've realized how much it actually DOES apply to me right now.
I know you might think this little celebration I'm quietly having sounds ridiculous, but if you lived in my head you'd know how truly significant it is. I just got back from taking the kids to Disneyland and Universal Studios, a trip that I surprised them with on Christmas morning. I'm tired of giving my kids stuff just to give them stuff and I'd rather give us all an experience that we can share.
About two months ago I went into a travel agency to book the trip. I really wanted to do it over their winter break from school so it wouldn't be like, "Merry Christmas! Here's your present. We're going on a trip in 6 months." I wanted to do it pretty quickly after they opened the present.
Now, some of you have been on this journey with me long enough to remember that when my book was published in 2014, I suffered from crippling anxiety - the kind that just about had me housebound. I couldn't go to the movies, go to a restaurant, sitting in traffic was terrifying to me...basically anything that made me feel remotely trapped made me lose my breath, get so dizzy I could barely stand, and generally made me feel like I was going to have a heart attack and throw up at the same time.
Classic panic disorder.
I still have some problems flying, which I'm working on, and sitting in the middle of a crowded theater is something I still dread. I'm probably the only person who was lucky enough to score tickets to Hamilton who actually regretted going.
So, I didn't realize how booking a trip to Disneyland over the New Year would be so monumental.
Stupid, right? I mean, I was excited that we would be ringing in the New Year at the foot of the Disney castle - why didn't it occur to me that a million other people would have the same idea?
I had a few moments at the beginning of the day on New Year's Eve when I didn't feel great, but I worked through it. But at about 3 PM as I was standing in line for a ride and heard someone say that the part was AT CAPACITY, I realized that I had overcome a major hurtle.
Me - this woman who couldn't even sit and sit across from someone at a table in a crowded restaurant because she felt like she would start screaming - was standing in the middle of an hour-long line for a fast-moving ride in a park that was so full you could barely move.
Me. I did that.
Four years ago, I truly thought my life was over. Really. That realization was almost worse than the panic attacks. I suddenly saw the future I thought I was going to have - traveling, going to the theater, being out with friends, having a meaningful career - go away and a solitary future sitting in a home that I was scared to leave was what I thought I was going to be left with.
Right now, I'm typing this completely exhausted, but elated. I did something that five years ago I thought I would never be able to do. I faced all of these enormous fears I've had for years and I'm okay. I even texted my therapist midway and said, "I think Disneyland is the ultimate immersion therapy. I can't believe all that I've accomplished in the last few days."
So, like the quote says, I've got this. And maybe no one will truly know how important all of this has been for me because I haven't let them see me in my darkest moments. But that's okay.
I'm winning the battle anyway.
My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the Internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Ogudugu can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. Two days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr.Ogudugu. If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. This is his E-mail:
ReplyDeletegreatogudugu@gmail.com
WhatsApp +2348063739701