I've given it some thought and I've decided to run for office. I don't know what office yet, but I'm running.
And my main platform?
Now, I realize that this may not be taken as seriously as other isms like racism, fascism, communism, or optimism (for a full list of isms, please click here). But it is my belief that once this theory is introduced, many people will realize that they have been discriminated against their entire lives.
The belief that rising before 9 AM should not be allowed, encouraged, or endorsed.
This blog comes at a very timely moment on the U.S. calendar. Last weekend, citizens were forced out of their beds one hour earlier in an effort to "spring forward" (there was no springing in my house this week) so that we could create "longer days."
Yeah. My days are still 24-hours. But now I'm dog-ass tired.
I say there is no need for this. "Fall back" all you want to. In fact, do it every six months until our days are nights and our nights are days for a little while. It's nice to mix things up a little bit.
But NO alarm clock should be set to go off before the sun is up.
How did this happen?? Did the person who came up with the 8-5 work day grow up on a dairy farm or something? What's wrong with a 10-7 work day or work-whenever-you-want-as-long-as-you-get-shit-done-day?
Now, I know you're going to say that plenty of people out there find jobs where they can work on their own time, but it's not the majority. And I say those of us who are night people who have to adhere to this ridiculous schedule are being discriminated against.
And here's my other issue. I COULD work when I want to, but I have kids and my day starts well before the sun comes up to get my high schooler out the door. And it really doesn't matter if I went to bed at 9 PM - I'm still literally bumping into walls as I get up to help her get ready for school (this morning it was my kitchen counter).
I can guarantee that all of our children will be on board with this change. Sure, that will push afternoon activities to 8 PM and dinner at 9:30 PM, but who cares?
WHY DO I HAVE TO CONFORM TO THE SCHEDULE OF CRAZY MORNING PEOPLE???
Once elected to my mystery office, I will then propose the requirement of the early rise as a hate crime and those who do not follow the new Night Person schedule will be punished to the full extent of the law.
(I'm Catherine and I approve this message.)