Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Where I'm At

I'm sure all of you grammar police out there just rolled your eyes at that title. But I can't help it. This is where I'm at.

I was hanging out with a new friend of mine (yay!) who is newly widowed (ugh) a couple of weeks ago and we were talking about various things (as widows have a tendency to do). She had just finished Confessions of a Mediocre Widow and said to me, "But I want to know what happens next."

It was kind of funny coming from her because I know her and "what happens next" is unfolding right in front of her. But I could see what she meant. After all, the book came out a few years ago and it technically ended about a year and a half before that. So, I could see wanting to know what happens next.

After all...isn't that what we ALL want to know????

That it's going to be okay. Or if it's not, we want someone to warn us. We want to see ourselves in someone else who has successfully made it out the other side. Or if they didn't, we want to know why so we can avoid whatever it was that they did.

Totally get it.

But I feel like where I'm at (sorry, grammar police) isn't always part of my widow story. After over 10 years...it's just MY story. Yes, there are pieces of it that are tied to being a widow. But there are some moments that happen just because I'm a woman or a mom or a business owner or a daughter, sister...all of the things that make up who I am.

Then again...maybe there are some people out there who can relate to that, too. And so the story continues.

Something that I've realized just recently is that my story just might be a little different from some that are out there. After all, I didn't remarry. Heck, I'm not even dating. I did kind of leave you all up in the air at the end of my book. I seriously had to rewrite the ending because at the time it was being edited by my publisher, Mike and I broke up. So, I guess it would seem that I was a little adrift.

Actually, for a good long while there it seemed like I was completely lost at sea.

I don't want one remarried widow out there to think that I believe that by remarrying, you've turned in your grief card and you're done. I have enough widowed and remarried friends to know that that's just not the case; in fact, I feel like with some it can even be more complicated, grieving and being remarried. It's all about where we're at.

I did it again.

For a while now, I've been trying to figure out how to blog, what to write about, where my story went and where it's going. And then it occurred to me that the reason why it's been hard for me to find that "voice" is because I've entered into a different stage in my life and I didn't know who that voice was yet. That while I am widowed, that's not the first thing I identify with anymore.

But then maybe some of you who have stuck with me this far feel the same way.

I realized I need to continue my blog because not every widow book ends with a proposal and a romantic "Chapter 2" - but that doesn't mean there isn't a Chapter 2. The story continues. And I know from my own experience that sometimes you just need someone out there to say, "It's okay" and give you permission to live life on your own terms.

It just took me a while to figure that out.

So I'll continue my story because maybe it's like someone else's as well. After all, the reason I started writing in the first place was so that we'd all feel a little less alone.

And that's where I'm at.


  1. I've been with you since October 2013, and I get ya. I dated around though but I waited til I was more sure of who I was, I'm still not 100% sure of who that is but I happened on a lovely man now(also a widower) and am taking life by the day. It's the craziest world now but it's also fabulous! Good luck fellow KatherinešŸ˜

  2. I like your blog. I was always a bit turned off by the claim that a chapter 2 meant a new husband. I was doing a lot after my husband died. Isn’t that my chapter 2? Keep writing. What will happen next?