Thursday, February 7, 2019

The Gift of Loss: Finding Your Magic




Weird title, right? Some of you are nodding and some of you are unliking my Facebook page.

It's all good. To each their own.

We've talked a lot about some of the gifts that often come with loss. And I think we all agree that, while we love the gifts, we wish we had gotten them a different way. 

Like when I got a hangnail in my 20s...why didn't that inspire a deep empathy for others? Or when I got cut off in traffic...why didn't that make me realize that each person has their own path and pace? When my toddler screamed in the grocery store...why didn't I instantly know that there were going to be good days and bad days, but it was up to me to decide how I handled things?

I don't know. But I sure wish life worked that way.

Anyway, I do think a lot about some of the gifts I've received because of this trauma and loss. I even think about the gifts I've received as a result of my anxiety/panic disorder. It's all very twisted. But I know I'm a better person as a result of what I've been through.

I recently received Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic in my Singles Swag box (if you don't know what that is, do yourself a favor and check it out. I LOVE IT) and one of her first sentences was something I have been thinking about for a long time (she says it better, of course):

"So this, I believe, is the central question upon which all creative living hinges: Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?"


Wow. Right? I mean, that does take an ENORMOUS amount of courage. It takes courage just to find it and recognize it within yourself. But to bring it out for others to see??? That's next-level courage.


Finding Your Courage


I was recently participating in a discussion with a group of both men and women and one of the members, a woman who has been through significant trauma...I just can't stop thinking about her.

Throughout our group conversations, you could see the pain and struggle she's experiencing. But for some reason...I just felt like there was something more to her. I felt like she was going to have a colossal gift to give maybe one person, maybe thousands, if she chose to see it.

I felt like once she made it over the mountain of trauma...she would be such a gift, if she chose to be. Like, I felt it in my bones. I almost cried later when I shared that thought with her. I'm almost crying now as I type this. But I. JUST. KNOW.

The problem is that it's not up to me to decide that she has a gift to give; it's entirely up to her. And "bringing for the treasures that are hidden within" - especially when they are born of struggle and grief - is beyond scary. 

It requires an act of will stronger than many of us have ever chosen to experience. It requires being vulnerable and putting yourself out there, often when you feel least capable of doing it. But often the result, the outcome of creating a purpose out of what feels like life's carnage, is not only helpful to the recipient...it's life-changing for the giver as well.

And here's the real catch - and I've used this word over and over again throughout this blog - IT IS A CHOICE. You don't have to do it. You don't have to recognize the gift that you now have to give just by you being you. And the truth is that it does take a lot of work.

But I wish I could describe just how freeing it is to be in that moment of giving; to be so utterly yourself and to have even one person say, "Thank you for being you." 

And eventually what took so much courage just becomes this wonderful habit and a new way of living. Because you start going through difficult times not totally concentrated on the struggle but thinking, "How can I use this to help myself? How can I take this moment and help another someday?"

Your struggle then becomes your purpose and your purpose becomes your gift.





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