Friday, February 19, 2016

Protesting National Wine Day and My Quest for a Sports Bra

I'm not crazy about National Wine Day, or whatever it's called.

I know that the people out there who know me and/or interact with me on social media will be surprised by that statement, but it's true.

I've been trying to pinpoint the source of my irritation and that's been a little difficult.  The closest that I can come up with at this point is that I now understand my husband's feelings about Valentine's Day.

He hated it.  Which I'm guessing most men do.  His argument was, "I don't like someone else telling me when I have to give someone a card or flowers or whatever. I should be free to do that whenever I want to - not when Hallmark says I should."

Valid point.  However, it would have helped his cause if he had actually given me flowers and a card on...say...March 13th or something.

Whereas I can thumb my nose at National Wine Day because I actually celebrate wine on a daily basis.

That's right!  On February 18th, I don't even glance at a bottle.  I pass by my empty glasses without a second thought.  Because a true wine drinker doesn't need a DAY!  Good Lord!  That's like declaring May 21st National Potato Chip Day or June 27th National M&M Day!

A true lover of wine knows that a day is not necessary to display our affection for that magical grape concoction.

It should be appreciated daily, just like any relationship.


This may seem like a random change in subject, but I'll make the transition seamless.

My jugs are too big.

Actually, I think they're fine.  But after searching several stores for a new sports bra...apparently manufacturers are less...supportive than they should be.

It's actually probably not the manufacturers.  In a warehouse somewhere I'm betting there are millions of sports bras that could hold two small children just waiting for me.  It's the retailers.  And so to them, I dedicate this note.

Dear Department Store Bra Stockers,

What gives?

Actually, I know what gives.   I almost found out yesterday as I was about to pass out in the over 70 aerobics class at my local recreation center.  

 Those chicks can really sweat to the oldies.

Anyway, I realized when I  got home that my sports bra was basically hanging on by a hook.  So, I set out to find some new ones.

Let me explain something to you.  An A cup doesn't need a sports bra, but that seems to be the customer that you're catering to the most.  On the A cup hanger, you should just clip two band-aids and call it done. 

You need to have more out there for people like me whose boobs hit their knees every time they jump if they do not have proper support. Who feel like people passing by should be stuffing a dollar into their yoga pants thanks to the show they're giving every time they go for a brisk walk. Who get a mild case of whiplash every time they do something even remotely active.

My suggestion is this:  Get rid of the smaller sized sports bras altogether.  Those skinny bitches might not work out as much, thereby leveling the playing field a little. 

And as for stocking your regular bras...anyone over a C cup doesn't want anymore padding or anything pushed up.  While you do provide a nice chin rest, what we would really like is something that straps these suckers down.  If you could make a DD look like a C we would really appreciate it.  After all, you have the technology to make an A look like a B...we know you can do it.


No comments:

Post a Comment