Monday, February 1, 2016

Sarah Palin, Kermit-the-Frog, and Las Vegas

I love watching the Today Show when Matt Lauer is confronted by an idiot.

I've seen it several times.  He gets this look on his face like you're not covered in my contract.  Personally I would really hate to be on the receiving end of that look - it kind of reminds me of my dad when I've royally screwed up.

But I liked watching Sarah Palin getting it this morning.  The only bad thing was that it interrupted her oral spillage, using meaningless words that are three syllables or more with the word "constitution" thrown in every fifth word, regardless of the words before and after.

God, I love her.

She completely blew up at my friend Matt because he and his co-host, Savannah,  had the nerve to ask her about her wife-beating son.

"You guys brought me here to talk about Iowa politics and the caucus tonight, not to talk about my kids!"

Lady - no one gives a shit about your political views.  In the world of reality TV, we can't get enough of your train-wreck of a family.  They're asking you questions because you get ratings.

And you get ratings because we all love Tina Fey and none of us can tell if it's you giving an actual interview or a bonus SNL skit at 9:30 in the morning.

I was wondering this afternoon if the reason the Trumpster is so excited about Palin's endorsement is because he's finally found a female he can insult while 98% of the country nods their heads in agreement.

And while I do find her hysterically funny - I find this whole political situation pretty funny right now - I would find it wildly humorous if I lived in another country and didn't have to live with the outcome.

This is a serious statement.  My kids are actually asking when we're moving as we sit down to dinner every night, as if a run for Canada is inevitable at this point.  I almost envy the days of our forefathers, when word was so slow to reach anyone, it was time to re-elect the next president by the time you heard who the old one was.

I'm wondering if anyone else is like me and thinking that surely someone is about to rise from the political ashes and save us all from ourselves.  I remember when I was in high school, some kids were joking that someone had put Kermit-the-Frog on the ballot.

I never thought I'd get to the point as an adult where I would think that was a viable option.


I went to Vegas this last weekend and it made me wonder if this country is actually worth saving.

Don't get me wrong - I had a great time.  But if I was an outsider looking in, I'd just say, "Eh.  Let them do what they want with it."

I feel somewhat sheltered here in Colorado.  All of you out-of-staters may give us crap about our pot laws and assume that we're all sitting in our recliners eating laced gummy bears, but that's really not the case.  Colorado is not where you want to go to get a true picture of the general public.

Las Vegas is where it's at.

Or, if you have kids, Disneyworld.

I love to people watch, but Vegas is just too much of a good thing for me.  And, sure, there are the obvious nuts who blend in with the nuttier...but I like the less obvious.  I feel like writing a thank you note to the morbidly obese woman who was walking around wearing a t-shirt that said "Nothing 02 Lose."

She's my hero.

I came back home last night and looked at my closet in extreme disappointment.  No pasties. No see-through skirts short enough to show what was possible to those who didn't think to see through it.  No harnesses to tie around my neck that would hold my drink's straw within sipping distance from my mouth so I could leave my hands free to hold on to two more drinks in case of an emergency.

Las Vegas is where you go to make the senseless make sense.  One hundred dollar breakfast?  Of course!  I need something to go with this $50 drink.  I couldn't pass up the beer bottle opener in the shape of breasts - who would?  Of course I want my picture taken with the guy dressed like a Transformer!  Why are all of these people just walking by him?

I guess we Americans just like a spectacle.

A Sarah Palin impersonator on the street would make a killing.  


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